What Men Want, What Women Want

Central to my views on the relationship dynamics between men and women, are our innate drives and motivations. So, allow me to build a picture for you, that you may better understand, even if just at a basic level, the data that informs my views.

We are products of evolution, and the selection pressures that have shaped men and women go far beyond just our physical traits. Our brains, and by extension, our cognition and behavior, have also been shaped by this process. Most relevant to my interests, and the things I write about, are men and women’s differing reproductive strategies. “Differing” can be an understatement though, since these strategies are oftentimes in outright conflict with each other.

In brief, men’s reproductive strategy is to inseminate as many of the most attractive females they can manage (What’s attractive to us, both men and women, are in actuality markers for biological fitness. Here’s an entertaining crash course, cut into clips. If you can find it, watch it. It’s no longer on Netflix).

When we get to women’s reproductive strategy though, it…gets a little more complicated.

Some have called women’s reproductive strategy dualistic. One side is concerned with acquiring the commitment of a competent provider (If you hadn’t noticed, even in modernity, it’s difficult for a woman to provide for herself while expecting, and then while caring for the incredibly needy child, several years after its birth), while the other side is concerned with acquiring the seed of the most attractive male around (a male that will provide her with a child that will not only have a higher likelihood of survival, but also of attracting the opposite sex and reproducing). Where most people get lost, is the part where it is stated that, often enough, this means that women are acquiring the fit seed and the provisioning from completely different men.

Don’t believe it? Well, According to the research, the human population is descended from twice as many women as men (take your pick of links, there are plenty). This means the majority of men have lived and died without successfully reproducing, and unless you believe in fairy tales, you know that human females are not parthenogenesis-capable. So how is this possible? Because, throughout our history, a minority of men have done exactly what I explained above: Inseminated as many women as they could manage. These men, however, did not provide for every child conceived…

A part I left out from my description of men’s reproductive strategy, is that it includes trying to get away with providing for as few of these children, and their mothers, as possible. Ironically, this seems to be facilitated by women. When they’re at the most fertile stages of their cycles, women are most interested in short flings with physically attractive, masculine men (men that are, conversely, the least interested in sticking around and taking on the provider role). Someone has to pay the tab at the end of the night though, and all of those men who never get to reproduce (probably ’cause they’re not the type fancied by ovulating women) are ripe for swindling! It was found that in 30% of all paternity tests, the men tested are not the biological father (here’s something fun, just for kicks). From this, it’s been extrapolated that anywhere from 10 to 40% of all children are raised by men who’ve been deceived into believing they are the fathers. Ouch!

There’s a ton more to say on this subject, but this will do for my purposes (If you like this stuff, I really recommend getting yourself Sex at Dusk). So, to review: Men’s driving motivation is to [fuck] as many of the most attractive females possible, and women’s driving motivation is to secure the commitment of the best provider and [sex] from the most attractive male possible…each being different men if need be.

…Now do you see why I’m as cynical as I am about relationships?

Stay tuned for my revamped Committed Man post[s]. Now that I have this out of the way, I’m ready to crank that out. Catch you later…

– Jack The Realist


5 thoughts on “What Men Want, What Women Want

  1. There’s yet another dynamic in play here in that not only are genes replicated but so are ideas. The woman who tricks one man into caring for another’s progeny is one kind of deceiver, but so is the man who deliberately gets inside (impregnates) a woman’s value system by giving her money, above and beyond what her mate provides. It’s sort of like “first rights” to put it in the context of the beginning of the movie Braveheart but with money instead of semen. To put this in a utopianist perspective, in order to maintain class structure, and permanently neutralize a genetic competitor, give money to them, but only to the woman. This will prevent the husband/mate’s ideas from proliferating but rather the “generous benefactor” calls the tune. This is why *some men* benefit enormously from financing “feminism” among the underclass. They’ll even enlist their own wives and daughters in the cause, making them feel “good” and “altruistic” about themselves in the process.

    Some sperm bring flowers with a poisoned pollen that eventually neutralizes all the other sperm’s ability to provide, effectively economically and finally physically castrating them. Eventually, the megalomaniac at the top of the pyramid just starts printing money like it’s going out of style, while meanwhile the pyramid collapses at its foundation.

    Meanwhile, sperm is its own reward because it carries with it some feel-good-testosterone–a known mood elevator. Lucky is the man who finds himself a woman who craves testosterone more than money or babies (which today are the same thing)–until the testosterone runs out of course.

    • Interesting comment.

      Do you believe the current system is “set up”, that we naturally just “fell into it”, or…something else?

      Like, I may be a pessimist about human (animal) nature, but this pessimism simultaneously keeps me from believing that humans are competent enough to set up, run, and maintain such a complex system, *consciously*.

      A la natural selection, I think the current system is something that we’ve simply fallen into. The fact that it works (enough/more than others), is self-propagating, and doesn’t rely on us consciously maintaining it, is why it has won out.

      Feminism, for example, is an ideology, an idea, and while self-propagating, and successful enough in its own right, it relies too much on a conscious effort to reach/maintain mass appeal. It is too *overt*, and this is a problem, because its repressive/oppressive nature is made so visible. The best way to keep slaves, after all, is to keep them from wising up to the fact that they’re enslaved.

      The men are leaving the plantation…

      • In answer to your question, it doesn’t matter what I believe, but I suspect that it is a combination of all of those factors. It could even be as weird as the dreams of utopianist megalomaniacs setting conspiracies in play, dying, and no one knowing where the “off” switch is. People just keep right on doing what they’ve always done and whether they are being consciously “programmed” or not, they’ll keep right on doing it until someone stops and thinks (at which point everyone else will trample him).

        “The best way to keep slaves, after all, is to keep them from wising up to the fact that they’re enslaved.” Too true. Same applies to livestock. It’s also a hell of a lot of less work for the “slaver”. I think sometimes that confined hogs just need video games and television and they’ll be OK. Of course, I would be disinclined to consume such a degraded beast. Probably bad for the health!

        • “It could even be as weird as the dreams of utopianist megalomaniacs setting conspiracies in play, dying, and no one knowing where the “off” switch is.”

          That makes me think of deism for some reason.

          It makes me think of something else, but after that comment about degraded, videogame-playing beasts, I’m betting you’re probably not familiar with the plot of Metal Gear Solid 4: Sons Of The Patriots. 😛

          Anywho, in the game’s world, Artificial Intelligence was created to help a small group run the U.S. government (and then the whole world) from the shadows. Eventually, all of the people at the top of this organization die/grow too old to function, but the AI keeps on chugging along, calling the shots from behind the scenes, and spreading its control further over time. The people lower down in the hierarchy of the organization are totally unaware of this, though, so they continue taking orders and doing their jobs, all while oblivious to the fact that they are now ruled by computers…

          I suppose MGS4’s “AI” could be a metaphor for a self-propagating idea/belief system. A “meme”, in the original, Richard Dawkins-sense of the term.

          • Yikes. It’s true. I’m not familiar with the game. Rather, I filled my head with dystopian comic books in my youth along with The Time Machine by H.G. Wells, and Player Piano by Kurt Vonnegut. That was enough! I’m more a fan of Jung than Dawkins though. I believe that eventually the truth comes out even if for some people it’s attempted through binary mathematics, for others it’s through metaphor, and still others by having an excellent command of The Queen’s English and thereby perpetuating the traditions of Malthus, Darwin, and Henry the VIII. I think that the truth lies somewhere in between but hope that no human being ever actually gets a patent or brand on it and then entrusts it to priests, nuns, whores, or bankers, and starts building huge monoliths…wait.

            Speaking of deism. I once visited the Rosicrucian museum located in The Silicon Valley. Another case of good intentions gone awry. I don’t think I need video games to give life to the images in my mind. LOL.

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