Her: So, apparently [new boyfriend] heard me mumbling your name in my sleep last night. It’s a good thing I wasn’t moaning or anything, or he would’ve known it was a dirty dream.

Me:  Ok…so what was the dream about?

Her: Um, us having sex? Duh!

Me: Details, woman! What were we doing?

Her: Well, you had me bent over and you were pounding it from behind…

Me: (grinning)

Her: Oh, but your hair was cut short.

Me: See, that’s how I really know it was a dream…

Her: (laughingFuck youuuuuu!


Playing With Fire

My introduction to the term “Sperm Warfare” came by way of a book published in 1996, itself simply titled Sperm Wars. There’s dispute on whether sperm warfare is something that occurs with human sperm, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. The most memorable parts of Sperm Wars are when the author, after describing deceitful reproductive strategies, would give color to them by adding short stories to demonstrate how these things can and do play out in the real world.

Today, while I continue speaking about a topic I started in a previous post, I’d like to tell you about the time a time that I came pretty close to consciously playing out one of Sperm Wars’ short stories.

On this night, while laying with Giovanna during our usual pre-fuck chat-and-stroke, she told me that her (then) boyfriend’s condom broke the night before, and that he came inside of her. For whatever reason, they didn’t get a morning after pill (Having bought many of the cursed things in my time, I think I know why: They cost 50 fucking bucks!), so she was worried she might end up pregnant, and really disliked the idea of having a baby with a guy that she was basically dating for financial reasons (she was not turned on by him in the slightest, and he was a minute man to boot). Knowing what I know about human reproduction, I was aware that her getting pregnant wasn’t such a sure thing, and thus saw an opportunity…

So I leaned over her, placed my palm around the side of her neck, looked her in her eyes, and in a too-serious tone asked, “You know what I should do to you?”


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“Ok, NOW you have my attention!”

Those were the words I uttered while getting my dick stroked and sucked by two chicks at the same time…

…while I was driving on the highway

…at 80+ miles per hour

…while slightly intoxicated.

Alright. Ok. So, take note, because this’ll be one of the few times that I will ever admit to this: That was probably a very reckless thing to do. But what was I supposed to do? Go “No, STAHP”? I suppose that would’ve been the sensible thing to do…

I’ll share a little background before jumping into the circumstances leading up to the scene described above. So, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it yet, but Giovanna is also into girls. Recently, she introduced me to this friend of hers, we’ll call her “Tess”, and we’ve been working towards setting up a threesome. She seems to be down for it, but thus far obstacles have only allowed us to have drunken, three-way make out sessions.

Tonight was a little different.

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On “Best Friends”

The following is my take on a picture I found yesterday morning. From the moment I saw it, it resonated with me so strongly that I had to save it to show my girl Giovanna. When I did, she reacted as expected: With a loud, hearty laugh.


The reason behind her laughter is the fact that this is a line that she uses on pretty much everyone. Though we’ve known each other for much longer, we didn’t become intimate until about 5 years ago, when I left my last monogamous relationship and found that, not only had Giovanna had a decade-long crush on me, but she’d also come of age.

We’ve gone our separate ways a few times since, being that she’s interested in being taken care of & I’m not up for that, but the times that she’s entered into would-be monogamous relationships while we’ve been in contact hasn’t stopped her from seeking me out to fuck her silly.

As I’ve mentioned before, “my girl” has a boyfriend. What I may not have mentioned is that, as far as he knows, their relationship is “monogamous”, and for him that is most likely true. Obviously, that isn’t the case for her, and I can’t really blame her…

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Dirty Minds

I was spending quality time with my girl earlier tonight, and while laying around and relaxing, I got a call. It was one of my friends, her uncle. I show her, and laughing, she says, “You should answer and tell him you’re with me.” She can be pretty evil sometimes.

Her uncle is what I would call a sexually frustrated chump without hope (more on this later), so being reminded that his niece and I roll around naked and do a lot of naughty things to each other makes him pretty damn jealous. She’s aware of this, and doesn’t like him all that much, thus her suggestion above.

Anyhow, I tell her, “You know how we wore each other out last week? He invited me out later that night, but I told him I couldn’t because I’d had a rough day.”

Laughing again, she adds, “You should’ve been, like, ‘Sorry, I was fucking the shit out of your niece!'”

What a gal, huh? How’s that saying go? Dirty minds think alike?

Jack The Pervert

Cumming While Driving Is Difficult

You know how they say you “learn something new everyday”? Well, a few of these “somethings” stick out a bit more than others…

Earlier tonight, I was driving Giovanna back home to her and her boyfriend’s place, and she was still a little high. She gets very horny when she’s like this, but since she told her boyfriend she’d try to make it back home by a certain time, we couldn’t stop to take care of it. As a coping strategy of sorts, she decided to unzip me and start rubbing on my cock. Not a handjob, just…feeling on it.

Giovanna’s got a bit of cock worshiping thing going on, and likes to admire its size and stiffness when it’s erect, so it’s something she does every so often. About halfway there though, she’d really gotten into it, and I let out an audible “Whoa” from the sensation.

“Are you going to cum?”  she asked.

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Even Better Than The Clitoris

– Have standard, PIV sex with my girl; she orgasms.

– Have standard, PIV sex with my girl…while gripping her neck tightly with my hand, whispering in her ear that she’s a dirty little cum-hungry slut, and describing a scenario for her in which I force her to watch me fuck another chick; she orgasms like 3 times in a row, taking long enough for me to catch my breath while I sit back and watch in amusement. And after, once she’s stopped convulsing and we jump into the shower, still smiling at each other, she starts cumming again, not quite done…

Sometimes, when I stop to think about these things, I get why the average male can’t figure women out: The average male doesn’t want to. He’s afraid of what he’ll find, and afraid of how that’ll change the way he sees women, the pure, innocent angels he’s placed on a pedestal.

(And as for the title, if any idiotic, dogmatic “You must stimulate the clitoris!” types are reading this, you can go eat a bag of baby a dicks.)

Jack The Degrader