Intermission

intermission

It’s my first time doing a 3-parter, so I thought I’d stick a short intermission between Act 2 and Act 3.

And…this is a lie.

The topic of bragging, which I mentioned briefly in my about, came up again, and I thought I would address it. While this is in response to my off-blog critics, it may also shed light on what my M.O. is with a lot of these “Story” posts, so that’s good too.

Anywho, the purpose behind sharing these events is not to speak about all of the women I’ve fucked, but to share experiences I’ve had which I think were crazy and/or humorous enough to be entertaining.

If my purpose was to brag, it would be pretty weird for me to build context with hundreds to thousands of words, and then turn the actual sex into some footnote. Like, I’m not gonna write about every woman I’ve been involved with, either. Not all of the circumstances surrounding hook ups/relationships have been worth repeating. If a drunk chick (as an example, this totally didn’t happen, I swear) doesn’t try to choke me out after I refuse to let her finger my asshole, then it’s not really a story worth telling, is it? A good example of this can be found in my post on “Caprice“:

“I can’t think of much else to say about our ‘relationship’ that was particularly interesting, including its consummation. Aside from her being the first chick I’d fucked that was open about her rape fantasies, I’d say it was all standard enough to not warrant mention.”

The post was about the consequences of the sex (with some foreword about how we got to it), a cautionary tale about discretion and sleeping with a friend’s partner. If all you saw was “Look at me! I had sex!”, then you should step away from your screen…

I’ll address the freshest complaint in specific, though. In “Galina, I“, I mentioned that our IQ’s were in the top 7%, and a few people had a problem with that. Look, I get it. Showing self awareness, or worse, mentioning your IQ is, like, a total faux pas…but I wanted to lay out just how closely Galina and I related to each other. To put it plainly, the statement is true, it’s contextual to the story, and I didn’t feel like self-censoring just to spare the feelz of a few (fellow, but lacking in emotional maturity) apes. As I laid out in my About, if reading this stuff bothers you so much then quit.

That’s all I have. Go take your smoke break and find your way back to your seat when Act 3 begins…

– Jack The Swashbuckler

On Discretion

Discretion is something that I think those of us who live non-monogamously should practice, and I do mean every type of non-monogamy.

watched this video recently, in which the late Patrice O’Neal tells a story that basically amounts to him being falsely accused of rape because someone had a big mouth, and it took me back to a few times in my life where my lack of discretion almost got me in big trouble, and to others were my discretion kept things from turning worse than they did.

The one that sticks out the most, as an example of trouble brought about by my lack of discretion, was the first time that my then-girlfriend and I had sex (we’ll call her “Liz” from here on). In the spirit of discretion (Haha. Gotta make up for that time!), I will be keeping some of the details vague: She worked at a swanky hotel whose bar my then co-workers frequented, and her job had strict rules against fraternizing with customers. They’d all met her long before I did, and were telling me all about how hot she was for a while before I finally met her.

When I did, it was pretty much lust at first sight for the both of us. She had me look her up on MySpace (that should give you some idea as to how long ago this was) and after a few weeks of writing each other and occasionally talking on the phone, I somehow convinced her to meet me at her job on one of her days off (Aside: I have a tendency of underselling my seduction skills. I like to think it keeps my head from getting too big). I was kind of stuck there until my co-workers got out of work, so I couldn’t meet with her elsewhere, and the situation demanded that I struck right then and there, when the iron was hot. So, I snuck her in through one of the side exits so that none of her co-workers would see her, brought her up to the room, and we had ourselves a fuck that I still remember fondly.

If you’re thinking “But Jack, that was sneaky as fuck! How much more discreet could you have been?!”

Lots. Things are about to get scandalous, just you wait.

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Dirty Minds

I was spending quality time with my girl earlier tonight, and while laying around and relaxing, I got a call. It was one of my friends, her uncle. I show her, and laughing, she says, “You should answer and tell him you’re with me.” She can be pretty evil sometimes.

Her uncle is what I would call a sexually frustrated chump without hope (more on this later), so being reminded that his niece and I roll around naked and do a lot of naughty things to each other makes him pretty damn jealous. She’s aware of this, and doesn’t like him all that much, thus her suggestion above.

Anyhow, I tell her, “You know how we wore each other out last week? He invited me out later that night, but I told him I couldn’t because I’d had a rough day.”

Laughing again, she adds, “You should’ve been, like, ‘Sorry, I was fucking the shit out of your niece!'”

What a gal, huh? How’s that saying go? Dirty minds think alike?

Jack The Pervert

Omissions

Earlier tonight, while taking a late-night nap, I got a text from a long time friend. It was an invitation to go out for drinks. I turned his invitation down, responding “Thanks for the invitation, but I think I’m just gonna stay in tonight. I’ve had a rough day and I’m really tired…”

The TMI version would have been to tell him that, earlier in the day, his niece and I fucked each other’s brains out like three times, and she really wore me out (but I wouldn’t, ’cause I’m smooth like that).

Don’t worry. His niece is of age…

Jack The Girl Eater