Of Pussy And Pals

In keeping with the theme of my last few posts, I wanted to share a story about a time in which my adventures with “taken” women actually went less than stellar. Navigating the seas of women can be rough, but never as much as when the other man is a friend, and the woman is a dunce.

The girl in question—we’ll call her “Caprice”—is what I’d call a social climber, though in this instance, she was more of a social lateral mover. Caprice met my friend, whom we’ll call “Duane”, after one of her girlfriends was invited to hang out by a co-worker of ours. I wasn’t around when this went down, but by the time I met her, Duane and her were already dating…more or less (more on this later).

It was at another social gathering with the same group of friends that I first met her. For Caprice, I think it was pretty much lust at first sight. I would have needed to be partly blind to miss the fact that she was eye-fucking me the entire night.

(Jeebuz! What is it with me always attracting sluts? Does my resting asshole face also read as an “I love sluts!” face?)

When the night wound down, and I was getting ready to split, Caprice asked to borrow my phone. Apparently, she’d left hers out in her car, and “needed” to call it to check her inbox. Now, maybe I have too much sex on my mind (it’s true), but I totally took this as her making a move on me. If you’re not convinced by the things that sex-crazed Jack tells himself, though, then consider that Duane was nearby, and his cell phone was sitting on the coffee table right in front of him. If you’re still not convinced about my assessment, then…keep reading.

While it seemed like lust at first sight for Caprice, I wasn’t as crazy about her. But, hey! If a chick is, in my estimation, throwing herself at me, and I find her attractive enough, then why not go for it? So, I did what Jack would do and accepted the indirect invitation she left in my phone. A few days later, while Duane was out of town, I called her number and…yeah. I had it right. She was a slut, she wanted me, and this hunch of mine turned into an affair that went on for over half a year.

I can’t think of much else to say about our “relationship” that was particularly interesting, including its consummation. Aside from her being the first chick I’d fucked that was open about her rape fantasies (Which, believe it or not, are common enough. Take note, Committed Men), I’d say it was all standard enough to not warrant mention.

One day though, while on a ride, Caprice grabbed my work hat from my back seat, put it on, and set into motion a series of unfortunate, but easily avoidable events. I looked at her for a second, then blurted out “That reminds me of a picture I saw of you. Although, you were looking a bit sexier then…” (Very similar to the one above, actually, which is why I used it. Caprice was a little thicker though, and had a bigger butt.) As you might expect of any rational adult, she fucking flipped. “Oh my fucking GOD! Duane showed you that picture?! THAT ASSHOLE SWORE HE WOULDN’T SHOW ANYONE!”

Um….oops?

“What’s the problem? It isn’t anything I haven’t seen before…”, but she wasn’t having it. “That’s NOT the POINT! If he showed it to you, then how many other people has he showed it to?! Fuck this, I’m calling that asshole right now.” That…was a very bad idea. I tried stopping her, but there wasn’t much I could do while also driving my car at 80 mph. In hindsight, I should have probably tried brake-checking the stupid bitch, to get her to reconsider what she was about to do, but I didn’t. You live and you learn!

“DUANE! You MOTHERFUCKER! I can’t believe you’ve been going around showing off that picture!….How do I know? ‘Cause Jack just told me!…..He’s sitting right next to me!”

*Groan*. NO! What a dumb, dumb bitch! Have I mentioned how dumb Caprice was? DUMB! So she hands me the phone and now I get to hear Duane going off on me. It all clicked for him very quickly. “Bro…what the fuck are you doing with my girl?!” I actually dislike lying very much, so I didn’t. I did more than just not lie though. I blew the lid off of this shit! Remember how I said Duane and Caprice were “more or less” dating? Well, I had a bit of dirt on Duane, and decided that this was the right time to dump it all over the fucking place. “YOUR girl? Bro’, you’ve been going around fucking other chicks, so don’t talk to me about ‘YOUR’ girl!”

Yes. I took a barrel of gasoline and dumped it all over a fire that I should have been trying to put out. Nothing about it was graceful, or classy. Caprice ripped the phone out of my hand before I could say another word, and shit really started to fly then. If my response to Duane didn’t make things obvious, then her telling him we’d been fucking for several months certainly did it. I don’t remember much else about that day, but the fallout from the things said in that car ride had a long tail.

Duane and I eventually reconciled, and even though all involved were knee deep in shit, Duane being an unfaithful dirt bag did not justify me fucking his sorta-girlfriend. I actually felt a bit of guilt about this back then, but being that he later confessed that he wasn’t all that interested in her, I don’t feel much guilt about it presently. And Caprice? Well, she couldn’t handle it when Liz came into the picture. Even though she was in a “monogamous” relationship with another dude, she still had a totally hypocritical, jealousy-fueled meltdown, so I ejected her from my life. Being that Liz was hotter (and smarter), it wasn’t a great loss. Good riddance!

This was a good learning experience though, and I came away from it with a few things. Ever since that time, I’ve made it a point to actively avoid putting my dick into the girlfriends/wives of my friends, at the least. If morals are tools to facilitate group cohesion, then not hurting the people in your group seems like a good idea. The other thing I learned is that discretion is even more important when dealing with incredibly stupid cunts.

That’s all I have for this one. Until the next time!

– Jack The Living Slut Magnet