Tragedy

I think it’s tragic that one of my favorite sex positions looks boring as fuck when depicted in porn, and that, conversely, one of my favorite sex positions to watch in porn does nothing for me when I try it in meatspace.

– Jack The Disenchanted

“Have you ever been punched in the face?”

Several years ago, while hanging out with two of my female friends and catching them up on the drama in my life (lies, there is no drama), one of them asked me if I’d told the other about a certain crazy story. The title to this post? That’s what she asked me after I’d shared my story…

This story stars the same “head shaker” that I wrote about in “On Discretion“. This story precedes that one, so I won’t blame you for thinking that this instance might explain part of the reason why he ran his big mouth. From here on we’ll call him “Smith”. Since the heroine will come up again, we’ll name her as well. We’ll call her…“Christina”. Christina was a known floozy. She’d already fucked at least two of us, myself included (and here is that story), and according to the co-worker’s girlfriend that introduced her to us, she even tried to fuck her once. Everyone at the office knew about this already. It was a thing of legend. So, yeah. Not exactly monogamous relationship material, one would think. Anyways, I caught my female friend up with this background info, then got on with the story…

One day, word got around that Smith had begun talking to Christina. When asked about it, he told the rest of us that he was going to “make her fall in love with me, then break her heart”. This was a recurring joke of Smith’s. He liked to play up the narrative that he was heartless. Anyways, we laughed it off and assumed he was just going to “hit it and quit it”, which made sense, being that he was well aware of her reputation by this point.

About a week later, several of us took one of our multi-vehicle trips to lunch. While parked and eating inside of my work vehicle, with one of my supervisors sitting next to me, Smith came up to my window. There was some small talk and then, in a very casual, nonchalant manner, I asked “So…is Christina’s pussy still tight?”

On Discretion

Discretion is something that I think those of us who live non-monogamously should practice, and I do mean every type of non-monogamy.

I watched this video recently, in which the late Patrice O’Neal tells a story that basically amounts to him being falsely accused of rape because someone had a big mouth, and it took me back to a few times in my life where my lack of discretion almost got me in big trouble, and to others were my discretion kept things from turning worse than they did.

The one that sticks out the most, as an example of trouble brought about by my lack of discretion, was the first time that my then-girlfriend and I had sex (we’ll call her “Liz” from here on). In the spirit of discretion (Haha. Gotta make up for that time!), I will be keeping some of the details vague: She worked at a swanky hotel whose bar my then co-workers frequented, and her job had strict rules against fraternizing with customers. They’d all met her long before I did, and were telling me all about how hot she was for a while before I finally met her.

When I did, it was pretty much lust at first sight for the both of us. She had me look her up on MySpace (that should give you some idea as to how long ago this was) and after a few weeks of writing each other and occasionally talking on the phone, I somehow convinced her to meet me at her job on one of her days off (Aside: I have a tendency of underselling my seduction skills. I like to think it keeps my head from getting too big). I was kind of stuck there until my co-workers got out of work, so I couldn’t meet with her elsewhere, and the situation demanded that I struck right then and there, when the iron was hot. So, I snuck her in through one of the side exits so that none of her co-workers would see her, brought her up to the room, and we had ourselves a fuck that I still remember fondly.

If you’re thinking “But Jack, that was sneaky as fuck! How much more discreet could you have been?!”

Lots. Things are about to get scandalous, just you wait.

On “Best Friends”

The following is my take on a picture I found yesterday morning. From the moment I saw it, it resonated with me so strongly that I had to save it to show my girl Giovanna. When I did, she reacted as expected: With a loud, hearty laugh.

The reason behind her laughter is the fact that this is a line that she uses on pretty much everyone. Though we’ve known each other for much longer, we didn’t become intimate until about 5 years ago, when I left my last monogamous relationship and found that, not only had Giovanna had a decade-long crush on me, but she’d also come of age.

We’ve gone our separate ways a few times since, being that she’s interested in being taken care of & I’m not up for that, but the times that she’s entered into would-be monogamous relationships while we’ve been in contact hasn’t stopped her from seeking me out to fuck her silly.

As I’ve mentioned before, “my girl” has a boyfriend. What I may not have mentioned is that, as far as he knows, their relationship is “monogamous”, and for him that is most likely true. Obviously, that isn’t the case for her, and I can’t really blame her…

I’m Not A Mexican!

I got sent a picture by one of my girls recently (don’t tell my main girl, she can be a little possessive), and the included message read “My shirt is for you today, Jackie!”

I observe it for a moment, then reply “Is that a Gypsy-style Jack Skellington? Cool!”

But she fires back with “No, silly. It’s a sugar skull!”

“Sugar skull?”, I thought. “Dafuq?” It was the first I’d ever heard of the term, so I did a quick search online and read up on it for a bit. After a moment, it hits me. “Motherfucker…” So I immediately text her back with “Bro’, I’m not Mexican.”

Geez. Maybe that’s what I get for mixing it up with white gurlz, this one being a Southern, dumb-blonde one, at that! Her social circle isn’t exactly the most diverse.

– Jack The Puerto Rican

Has Your Woman Sucked Male Stripper Cock?

I may be biased, being the one that asked, but I believe this is a good question to ask, and more so for the Committed Man©.

My only experience with strippers is of the female type. During my time in service, I spent a decent amount of time and money in strip clubs. It was one of the few things to do out in town when the weekends came around and we were allowed off base.  While the rules on touching varied from place to place, and from night to night, one was consistent: Thou shalt not touch a stripper’s genitals.

Well, a little while ago Giovanna told me about the stuff that went down at a friend’s bachelorette party. A male stripper was hired, and at one point in the act, the dude got out some cloth, and asked for volunteers. Being a bit of a slut, she volunteered, and so did the bride-to-be. He then put the cloth over their faces, had them open their mouths, and….dry face-fucked them? Not really sure what to call it. He was pushing his dick into their mouths, but the cloth prevented direct contact.

Being that my only point of reference for this kind of stuff is female strippers, and that the restrictions they place on contact are draconian by comparison, my first thought was “Wait…they’re allowed to do that kind of stuff?!” My second was “Holy shit. I know dudes that’d lose their shit if they knew their women did that!”